


dont get too close to the sun (or you will get burned)

by greennwhitestars



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: #NO CHARACTER DEATHS EITHER, #angst, #are you felix who runs away from everything, #felix is sunshine, #haha hyunsung r such simps, #hyunsung are whipped, #i am all, #i laugh at them as if this aint self projection, #like all of this is angst, #only slight no descriptions, #or hyunjin who regrets his whole life but convinces himself he doesnt, #or jisung who just wants his two best friends back, #slight mention of child abuse, #tag urself, #this is angst but not That level of angst ok., M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27510163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greennwhitestars/pseuds/greennwhitestars
Summary: forevers dont last, felix always said. memories do, jisung says. hyunjin just wants his burns to stop hurting.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	dont get too close to the sun (or you will get burned)

The hair feels soft in Hyunjin's hands and even though he isnt the one getting head scratches, the motion lulls him into sleep. 

_" **Hyunjin**_ _!" Felix laughs, in his dream. Hyunjin knows its a dream because he doesn't laugh that way in real life anymore. _

_ Hyunjin opens his eyes, already smiling. That's how it always goes. Felix stands tall, face directly above Hyunjin's. Hyunjin can count every freckle in his head, each one already submitted to memory. The sun peaks from behind Felix's head, making his blonde hair shine golden at the edges.  _

_ " _ **_You look pretty_ ** _ ," Hyunjin always says.  _

_ Felix smiles brighter than the sun behind him. What Hyunjin wouldn't do to make that smile last forever.  _

That's where it ends, it always does. Hyunjin wakes up, no Felix above him. Instead Jisung sits beside him, already asleep on his shoulder. Hyunjin's hand is in his hair, only because jisung couldn't sleep at 12 years of age without hugging someone and now it was a habit that neither of them were willing to let go. 

They had been watching a movie on Hyunjin's shitty laptop but the screen had already went black which meant that it had overheated. Hyunjin sighs, wishing he could just fast forward life a little bit but Jisung hymms in his sleep. Hyunjin becomes drowsy again. 

.

"Jisung?" Hyunjin asks Jisung a few days later when they are doing their stats homework together, "What do you remember about Felix?" He tries to say it casually, as if its a passing thought, as if Felix was a lost memory, as if Hyunjin's bestfriend wouldn't remember the person who had burned them both alive. 

Jisung looks at him with eyes so honest that he feels a familiar pressure at the back of his eyes. He hasn't cried for Felix in years. No one ever looks at Hyunjin the way Jisung looks at him (except for Felix, but that was a long time ago). 

Jisung doesn't say anything though. He looks at his worksheet again, scratches out a few numbers and then just says quietly, "The scar on his neck when we first met him, do you remember that?" 

Hyunjin doesn't. It was a long time ago when things were simpler, when Hyunjin still saw the world in blacks and whites. 

"It was a nasty thing," Jisung says even quieter, Hyunjin wonders why he hadn't told him that before. "All grey and blue and so large that it barely was hidden behind the huge scarf he always wore. Remember that pink one that a dog tore to bits?" 

That Hyunjin does remember. He remembers the way Felix didn't cry but also didn't speak for days afterwards, how Jisung and Hyunjin painstakingly saved pocket money for weeks at the age of eleven just to buy their friend a scarf, how Felix's whole face lit up when they finally gave it to him. 

"We were so young back then, Hyunjin." Jisung's voice puts him out of his reverie, "Where did it all go wrong?" 

For a second, he can almost hear Felix giggling like he did whenever his two best friends got nostalgic. Instead, only the clicking of the wall clock fills the room. 

.

People come and people go, Hyunjin knows that. Its a cycle, its a loop. 

_ People come and people go and you can't stop life like you want to.  _ Felix had once told them. 

Felix also told them that his least favourite word in the dictionary was perpetual. Jisung and Hyunjin had just looked at him in confusion. They had thought that he would find other words more difficult, mouthful ones that are harder to voice. 

_ It feels like a lie, doesn't it? Nothing really last, does it? Why have such a pretty word for something that doesn't exist?  _

They were only thirteen back then. Hyunjin could barely form coherent thoughts and Felix already felt like he was miles away. Hyunjin wonders how far Felix had run away from them by the time he turned fifteen. 

"He once asked me to run away with him," Jisung had told Hyunjin shortly after he turned sixteen, "I wish I asked him why instead of just laughing at him and telling him to concentrate on his physics homework."

" **_dear felix,_ ** _ "  _ Hyunjin had written last year after his therapist told him to do so, " **_why didn't you say anything? it was like that song you used to sing. gone, without a trace, and its almost like it never happened. you didn't even leave a note._ **

**_i wish i asked you why you loved that song so much. i wish asked you so many things, lix. i wish i told you so many things. did you know that you always reminded me of the sun? i think thats why i took you for granted, took your pain for granted too. i could see your pain behind your eyes but i didnt know what to do, so i didnt do anything at all. you always seemed miles away from me, too far for me to do anything about your misery but close enough that i could enjoy your sunshine. i wish i told you i loved you, lix._ **

**_jis getting better, i think so am i. we dont cry as much as before anymore. ji goes out too now and he drags me along with him so i think by default i am healing with him. like my mom always said, we three stick together. only you aren't there anymore._ **

**_you said nothing ever lasts, perpetual was just a pretty word on your tongue but i think once the pain subsides, all that will remain with me forever will be your smile._ **

**_love you always,_ **

**_your jinnie."_ **

.

_ " _ **_Hyunjin_ ** _!" Felix laughs, in his dream. His laugh always rings clearer than it has ever before.  _

_ " _ **_You look pretty_ ** _ ," Hyunjin always says.  _

_ Felix smiles brighter than the sun behind him. _

Hyunjin always wakes up with a burn in his throat and Jisung clinging to his side. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> wrote this in two sittings and no editing. it is what it Is. i didnt write this w any character deaths in mind so uhhhh tell me if anyone wants part 2??? just for Elaboration. it will probs be a word vomit like this one but a lil more in depth about what happened to lix


End file.
